worn & aged

i must be getting old—i no longer enjoy the simple joys of life, or maybe i am just disconnected. i just want peace and quite, so i can think clearly. i guess it’s more than finding myself, i believe i have found it a long time ago, it’s more on at being at peace with my inner sanctum.

i admit that i am still a material girl but i am slowly curbing my desires for the wordly things. no, i don’t have a fever, neither am i sick. it’s just that i find there’s more to life than the gadgets, and all the stuffs we can get our hands to.

i guess these days it would be hard for people to understand me, but i cannot begin to explain, and i don’t need to account for anybody.

staring at my monitor—staring into space again, god, i wish i don’t have to do it, but right now i am sleepy, my head feels empty. i shouldn’t go out late more often. sometimes i just need a break. sometimes i need to forget. life has been unfair, but who wants to complain?

rain is pouring in, flooding some areas in the country, but no amount of rain could save the angat dam. ironic isn’t it? but el niño is playing devils advocate. maybe it’s about time we stop and think for awhile. consider this—let’s be green this time and start planting a tree. it is never too late, as long as we are alive, there is always HOPE. funny how we never take care of our environment, we are doing everything to kill it. Whatever our environment has done to us, that we treated it with the harshiest treatment we could ever come up with.  and now it is payback time. she is making us suffer in a quite unimaginable way. imagine water being rationed in this very wet season? talk about karma. no one is spared, everyone must suffer.

let’s not wait for our wells to run dry. let’s start preserving our most treasured planet.

songs seems to be playing a very important role in our emotions these days. i dunno why but it seems people around me are literally moved with some lines of a particular song, or the whole song itself. or simply relating to the lyrics. if you listen carefully, it’s like re-living your life over again through a particular song.

just last friday a friend told me we should choose a song and then explain why it moved us in a certain way. i told him it sounds so highschool. so i shrugged off the idea. now come to think of it, it may not sound so bad after all. i mean everyday, your feelings are mostly dictated by the songs that you listen to or the other way around. it’s a huge influence but we are not just aware of it coz our subconscious is processing it. i guess i am kinda melodramatic or perhaps i am being senti… i guess listening to tributes makes you kinda sentimental. perhaps it’s a glimpse of the unknown?– i dunno.

even metals makes me senti– i am currently listening to metallic assault: tribute to metallica, and it kinda brings back the memory. you know!

i love the smell of new shoes.
that’s why i love shoes.
hmmm i just couldn’t resist one.
gotta love my friends.
i feel like dancing.
with my new shoes on.

due to my very hectic schedule, i saw my friends only for a freakin 30mins or less. nevertheless it was good seeing them at all. anyway i finally got my pasalubong…hmmm though i never really expected one coz my friend happens to be here just a few months ago but wow i can’t believe it, i actually have one err make that t-w-o shoes-es. oh my god! pinch me! pinch me pls! i have been eyeing the chinese inspired slip-ons for a few months now, and finally, i am now a proud owner of one. wow this is a really great pick-me-up. it’s like being high on something but not definitely on drugs. imagine i am wearing it now. so my other friend sent a pasalubong for me. she got me a skechers–i love the color, the design and everything in it. who could resist a great pair? huh? so i am thinking, i should stick to my oldest motto–”always expect the unexpected” i’m not even making sense but i am overwhelmed with happiness that i can’t think straight.

i guess if you are tired and overworked, or depressed–it will help if you buy a new pair of shoes. haha

the irony of my title… 

another boring day at the office. i dunno, it seems that my world is consumed by w-o-r-k. i can barely breath, the water is sinking in faster than the speed of light. today will be a very long one. we have this seminar which will start at 8pm. shux what the hell were they thinking? i am not made of steel like superman, i am just a human being. i have my limits too, you know. sometimes i wonder why i keep up with all these. i don’t have a life anymore. poor me. what do i get from all these sacrifices? nothing! that’s the sad part, coz i don’t get anything. not even an applause–must be a tough life huh?

i discovered an accoustic version in one of the boy’s cd’s, i was looking at the scattered cds here at the office, and for a change, why not listen for a more softer tones? i kinda missed it though. then to my amazement, they had bon jovi’s blood money, it was like aeons ago since i last heard this song. it’s one of the songs i like from the blaze of glory album. i used to listen to bon jovi, until such time when the istambay decide to make bon jovi’s song their national anthem… after that you hear most of his hit-songs on the radio that it makes you dizzy. you hear it in every corner, on board jeepneys, along with scorpions and so on and so forth… well those were the days! anyway, i dunno but i get mixes of emotions everytime i hear this song. i can’t even begin to explain but i just find it sad and depressing. 

BLOOD MONEY

Hey Patty Garrett that’s what I used to call you
They tell me you want me but I hear they’ve got you
They made you a lawman with a badge made of silver
They paid you some money to sell them my blood

But you say this ain’t about me, this ain’t about you
Or the good and the bad times we’ve both been through
When the lines between brothers and justice have changed
You do what you’ve got to, cause you can’t walk away

I wonder what would have happened
If you were the killer And I was the hero
Would things be the same
Or would I have traded
Your life for my own life
Would I have paid
Your debts in your place

But this ain’t about me, this ain’t about you
Or the good and the bad times we’ve both been through
When the lines between brothers and justice have changed
You do what you’ve got to cause you can’t walk away

Blood money
That’s what I call it
‘Cause money for blood ain’t no fair exchange
Blood money
Bought and then sold you
But your conscience is all you can take to your grave

12:58 – i am still wide awake– i’m watching the look for less on cable but i got restless, so i turned on my pc and checked my mails. nothing interesting to read, it’s just a bunch of junks. i don’t feel like sleeping at all, been having nightmares these past 3 weeks straight. goodthing my new vits helped me sleep soundly, but even so, i am still hounded by dreams.

gosh i’m so tired– i guess, i am overworked. i need a vacation really badly! i wonder when can i get away from the office. our next real holiday is thanksgiving, and that would be like 4 weeks away, and i’m not planning anything. oh well maybe something good will come along the way.

this has got to stop! that’s it, i’m sleeping now… i’ll worry about my problems tomorrow.

been so busy lately i haven’t had time to blog…anyway weekend was fun. after my very harrassed friday at the office, friends invited me to have dinner. i suggested we try the new handuraw, and since we are all pizza lovers, they agreed. the 2nd floor is now open for business, and since i am an avid wood lover–i couldn’t resist buying the paddle from palawan–oh well didn’t actually buy it, but i had it reserved coz i’m afraid somebody would beat me to it. i’m going back there on payday. so after the hearty dinner, we went to tableya for a cup of tsokolate—the place was eeirie, there are a lot of spirits lurking around, and my other friend felt it too, we had to transfer tables coz the energy was too much to bear. after the choco incident i wanna go home but they want to go somewhere. i was not in the mood coz my tummy’s kinda upset and i wanted to flush away toxins from my stomach. but they dragged me & we don’t really have an idea where were heading. then we’ve come up with a better solution—we were looking around and then we saw a massage & spa center… it was getting late & my body’s kinda stiff so i gave in. i had a foot massage & they had body massage. it started out just right, until the attendant pulled my arm and it happened so fast and the next thing i knew, the reclining chair was leaning forward and my legs were on the floor. we were all laughing, i could swear the attendant was shocked. it was the highlight of the night. but the massage did me good. i was invigorated after that. i went home around 2 though, coz we went in so late, they had to extend their hours. the place isn’t that good as compared to all the spa & massage centers i’ve been in, but it was cozy, and the a/c was just right. the service was a-ok.

saturday, went to carbon to shop-haha the sosy wat to shop that is– i was tempted to look for ukay-ukay but i did not– went accessory shopping there. need to buy something for sacha & dandy. and the best place to look is at the carbon market. after the maddening experience, went to ayala to look for a gift for a godson. i’m suppose to attend a baptism on sunday, and on sunday while i was preparing, i had dysmenorrhea! it totally wrecked my plans. i ended up sleeping most of the day. it was alarming.

it’s a first time experience for me. i’ve eaten in practically every type of eatery here, but i thought that was it, until the gang dragged me to this place. it’s not really your typical restaurant, or a carenderia for that matter. it’s an old house just a few meters from the office. from afar, it doesn’t look different from any antique house, but from 10:30am thereon, the place is bustling with activity. they open the gate and setup the tables, along with the chairs, and display the viands for the grumbling tummies to inspect. it is always packed, but there is always room upstairs. it’s just your typical house, when you walked in the sala, you can see people sitting in the sofa chairs, but they aren’t really a family member or anything, they are customers.

the “tagbalay” welcomes you with their ever ready smiles, and invites you in, making you feel at home. from then you can choose from their variety of delectable dishes, and then serves you rice, and everything else you need. the setup is so fiesta like, wherein you are seated in big table, and then everyone comes and goes, and there are also somebody eating at the other tables. i say tables, coz there are practically tables everywhere. and sometimes, by hardluck, you ran out of chair or table, you can always eat at the kitchen. the only difference though is that you have to pay after eating. the food is a lil expensive but it’s worth it. it’s a home-cooking experience away from home. what amuses me though is the fact that the downstair carenderia, which is run by the daughter—serves a lot of rice and pepsi, and is cheaper in price compared to that of upstairs, which is run by the mother. so what we do is buy rice downstair, and then the viands upstair. or sometimes buy everything downstairs and then go eat at the 2nd floor coz they serve coke. and the feel is so much different. it’s like you are time warped upstairs.

it’s a totally different eating experience. it fits the budget, you get time-warped, and you get to enjoy a fiesta-like atmosphere.