worn & aged

i dunno what’s up with me, i can’t think straight and i can’t sleep well at night, some things are bothering me right now. i wish i could attend to my personal problems. it’s just so hard to think for the moment. i have been away for so long. i would love to have a good night’s sleep… if only for tonight.

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the situation is killing me, i thought it was all for the best, i was really hoping thing were going smoothly, but with a sigh, i must say that i was wrong. it’s so hard to accept that some things didn’t go as planned. what i don’t understand is why you so cold towards me, i can’t begin to fathom what went wrong, now you left a big question mark on my head. i duwanna go through this process again, i am tired of this situation–it’s always been like this, why can’t i be happy for once?

there are things that i wanted to keep to myself, but at times i am so overwhelmed with emotions that it is hard to contain my feelings. i wanted to express myself, yet i am so scared that i’d end but regretting it. i dunno if i should share it, but of course i know it’s worth it. i am happy yet sad—it’s so ironic how my feelings are right now. of course, i am not so sure of our future together, there might be not, all i have are empty promises. but for now i am contented. basically it’s all about contentment. i hope it lasts though. it’s always nice to look forward to something each new day

the hell am i talking about—i guess some stuffs just gone over my head.

add 6 days i’ll be here exactly a month in hibernation. or at least that’s what i think. it’s kinda complicated, how my life is right now. actually i am confused a bit, but i guess i am just adjusting to my life here. it’s very different from what i am used to. i mean when i was still living at home i wake up with food on the table, my clothes clean and pressed. all i ever did was watch television, eat and or go out whenever i want. it wasn’t really living life the way i’m supposed to. right now, my life has turned 360 degrees though. i wake up with nothing to eat, i have to look for food, and i do my own washing right now–gawsh it’s really strange but i guess i am coping up. another thing is that i have to share the room with some guys. i am used to it but i dunno them that well so i guess adjustment plays a big role in my life right now. thankfully it feels like they are my second family, and we are all away from home so i guess we all feel the same sentiments. i couldn’t say i am very happy, well at least not that sad either. i mean the peeps i hang out with doesn’t have the same interests, i love going out and exploring the places, doing unusual things, but i guess i am alone in that. i hope everything changes though when winter comes, i guess right now it’s just too hot to walk or do anything outdoors. i still need to see a lot of peeps but i got lazy. the truth is i still dunno my way around so i am apprehensive going somewhere alone. but i’ve been in fujairah last monday, it was my day off and i went diving. it was a 2 hour drive and i enjoyed every minute of it. seeing those long stretched sands reminds me that i am in the middle of the desert. if not for the infrastructures sprawling around, i would panic and think that i am trapped or rather lost in the middle of the desert. first time i saw a camel in the wilds–haha! it was a totally different experience. i would have wanted to ask the driver to stop so i can take some snaps but we are also minding the time coz we might get late. anyway my life is kinda laidback. i guess i will have to start my adventure when it’s colder. there’s so much to tell, but i guess i just need to share my life one at a time. it’s still too early to tell if i like it here but i guess i can never complain. life is too good to me.