worn & aged

got a call from gerald yesterday, he told me he got me a ticket for the pink concert this wednesday yipeee!!!!. oh my geez!!! i’m so ecstatic! i’m so looking forward to the concert, it would be my first concert here in dubai. i hope it’s going to be a blast. this afternoon, i’m going out with him to the wii party at troy’s house. last week we played wii at gerger’s place and troy’s gf kinda like playing wii, so they bought one and they are throwing a party at their flat this afternoon. i dunno what’s in store but i hope there’s a lot of tequila hehe.

the day is almost done, yet my mind refused to wake up. things are more complicated than what it seems. without the job that’s keeping me really busy, i guess i would just stare into space again. i dunno, i thought things would’ve been easier now that we finally ironed some things, but i guess it’s getting more complex than what i’ve imagined. he’s a change man, and he is happy about it, of course, i am not a selfish being, i am happy that he finally woke up from his dreamworld and decided to do something about his life. but i like the old him, i mean i can relate well with the old him. i guess i have trouble adjusting to the new him coz it seems that he is drifting away from me, and i cannot fathom him anymore. maybe the news is overwhelming, and i always get this pang that maybe someday he will forget about me. call it paranoia but that’s exactly how i feel right now. is it bad? am i being selfish about it? i want the old him! is it too much to ask?

what have i done lately? apart from busying myself with work, and slowly killing myself with numbness? i have done nothing really essential, something that makes you wanna say, life is worth living! coming here has take a toll in my personal life. but no regrets of course, that’s what life is all about. sometimes, you just have to contend with the fact that we are not in full control of our lives. events, or things happen in the heap of things, and we wonder why those stuffs happened the way they did. i mean, that’s exactly what’s on my mind right now. for the past few days, i am feeling a bit low, feeling depressed and rejected. i can’t begin to comprehend why it happened. of course, i always have this “question everything” attitude, and for the first time, answers evades me. i feel totally helpless and stupid. i am happy with a lil diversion, but at the end of the day, i still feel beaten. i dunno if i should go further or stop from here. my heart has been badly bruised and i guess it would be hard for me to trust anyone ever again. i can still remember our last conversation, he asked, if i am afraid i’d get hurt again, and i said yes, i am, coz it always ends that way. i didn’t think ours would end that way too. sometimes i envy those old married couples, with kids grabbing attention, coz they are sort of complete and contented. but what can i do? i am left with no choice. maybe my friends are right though, they think i’m mixed up with the wrong type of crowd. but what can i do? i like complications.