worn & aged

i still got the blues for you….

i could hear gary moore singing in the background, i guess my situation now is pretty depressing. aside from the song, that is!
so i went to the island of kish, in iran for my exit. need to renew my visa since i’d been here for 3 months already. the mood i was in was pretty depressing coz i heard a bunch of stories about how hard it is at the island. i braced myself for the worse. how my mind worked out the things i imagined, i dunno, but it’s been working overtime and it made me skittish. i actually psyched myself, and it turned out it’s not that bad at all. i was having a great time i guess, but it was so uncomfortable with all the layers of clothes i had to wear. but nothing could compare to my astonishment when i received a faxed copy of my visa–wait! there must be a mistake! i knew i was due for another round of visit visa, before they will provide me with an employment one. if it were in another situation, i’d be glad that i got it, or maybe if it was somebody else–same goes, but i am not somebody else, and i am in a different situation. i duwanna be tied up for the next three years. i mean i am waiting for another opportunities to come my way and right now i am really disappointed. i may sound so ingrate, with all the blessings i have received. i duwanna talk about it anymore–sigh!

i can’t believe i’ve been in this part of the world for 3 months now, how i survived it, i really dunno. i’ve been through a lot i guess, i was really used to being pampered at home that it was really difficult for me at first, but  of course  i am proud to say that i am a survivor, and i will continue to survive wherever i may be. i guess i’ve proven that to my family, and i am proud of it. although i miss them a lot, i have learned to live with it. okay, i may be heartless at times but i really don’t show my affection that much, coz i duwanna let them know that i miss them, they might think i’ve given up already. it’s tragic, i would say, but i guess the bottomline is, i love my freedom right now. not any amount of money can buy it, of course it has it’s downfalls but i am getting used to the idea. sometimes i wonder if i would still like the idea of going home. i guess it will be different but somehow someday i would to visit my family and friends again.