worn & aged

the need to express, the need to feel numb, the need to be alone.

the past days had been rather painful, i dunno why i feel this way. i can’t even understand my feelings. i guess i have a massive attack of depression. who am i kidding anyway? i thought i have already let go of my past but i am wrong, very wrong. i can still feel the prickling of the pain every time i see him. i dunno what’s worse though. but i am glad i have made it this far. i am glad that now i no longer have what-ifs troubling my mind. everything is clear now and i perfectly understand why the world is round… this blog is so messed up, it totally reflects what’s on my mind right now. it is very cruel but what can i do? i have to dig deeper and move on with my life. i am totally lost right this very moment, that is on top of my personal problems i’ve been dealing with right now. a friend commented and asked why i was bitter, because he is not used to seeing me bitter, but i told him sometimes we can’t just help it. drinking it not helping though, i just have a bottle of vodka, pseudo boyfriend brought me one, housemates and i just knocked down the last bottle of JD–don’t get me wrong, i am not an alcoholic, we just love to drink a thing or two after a hard days work. it sort of put us to sleep and keep us sane in the morning… i guess i should stop it, but it might take awhile, right now, i have to numb myself from all the heartaches i am going through.