worn & aged

the summer rain has come to pass, the sun is shining clearly with super intensity. yet my vision is blurry—mind is somewhere else, i’m caught between the whirlwind of my soul. for a brief period i felt alive again. i never wish to feel this way again but all good things come to pass, yet a part of you remained. i dunno what’s more shocking, whether it is the realization that i felt something for you or is it the fact that we could never be together. i’m not even sure why i am allowing myself to feel this way, when all i can ever gain from it is PAIN. sometimes i am so wary of relationships coz all it ever brought me was constant torment. but i am thankful despite everything, coz it shows that i am capable of loving someone again despite the hitches. i am thankful that no matter how short-lived our moment was, it felt like a life-time. words aren’t enough to describe my confusion, but life has to go on…

sometimes i wonder why i fall for the wrong types… or do i?

Harlequin books seeks “real men” for covers

this is more like it!

i grew up confused because i thought something was wrong with my imagination. i’m an avid reader of harlequin romance and sometimes it’s exciting to choose a book that has gorgeous man on the cover, but you end up disappointed coz while reading you discover that it’s far different from the character described. even the skin color is way different.

i’m so glad they’re finally making a huge step & correct this wrong notion. surely they don’t want to confuse up-coming readers too.

the new office setup is cramping my style. i’m not used to a very small cube, yet alone a neighbor at my back. whew, it’s suffocating in a sense and i can’t stand the light. the glare is straining my eyes and i have had a series of headaches to begin with. and the aircon is blastedly cold, unceremoniously spewing chilly air over my head. if that’s how cold everest is, i’ll take everest any day duh! but i am just a production worker, i have no right to complain over stuffs which the company think, is just trivial. there are just selfish people around the office, someone who gives no damn to the rest of the occupants, just to satisfy their squirmy little needs or wants rather. i dunno how long i can hold my breath though, even our shoe locker awfully stinks. gosh i’m going to die of lung failure sooner or later. everytime i open our locker, the smell just keep getting better and better. somebody from our team has smelly feet or sneakers, whichever comes first. arghhhhh i hate blogging about it but i just can’t help it. this is an insane & shitty blog whahahaha… guess i’m half-crazy already, need to stop this madness.

it’s a nagging feeling that something bad will hit us pretty soon. i can feel the ground shakes under my bare feet. i hope it’s nothing though

it was a spur of the moment decision. after the brainstorming at the parking lot, we all felt hungry. jade had to go back to the office & heaze was not feeling well. so there’s just me, govinda & nicolo. there’s still a lot to discuss but we need to feed our brains, and so we decided to grab a bite. somebody suggested da vinci’s and wow, pizza! pizza! here we come! we must really be hungry, we ordered the mona lisa topped with extra bacon toppings, along with the 1.5L coke. we all ate in a hurry, and in silence, there must have been around 16 slices in all, and still hunger remained. we decided to order another round of pizza, this time the masterpiece! wow, talk about 3 hungry folks! who would have thought that 2 tiny ladies, and 1 skinny gent would consume all those pizzas? i guess one should never underestimate our eating capacities. actually the truth is, we had trouble eating the last 3 slices. until we have 1 slice left, and we are faced with a dilemma whether we leave the last morsel or should we take it home. it’s such a waste to leave it so, we all decided to take it home, while we were waiting for a cab, i told nico to give it to the person sitting near the resto, he was hesitant but i insisted, and we end up arguing again coz he doesn’t want to give it… govs said, we are like a bunch of kids. so to cut the story short, we gave the food and went home. what a night!

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we got an email today, felt like an ultimatum, and i don’t like it one bit, but there’s nothing i can do about it. we are to clean our cubes & get rid of our personal belongings. i was surprised coz i only have a few stuffs, the rest are company owned. so i went home carrying a heavier package coz most stuffs i had in the office are either books or magazines. good thing somebody volunteered to carry my pack. i just didn’t understand why we had to clean it out today, we are not due to moved out of the building til march. i dunno maybe they’re being OA about it.

yesterday was okay, was planning to go home early coz i was sleepy the whole day. they were all planning to go out & have some fun. i’m not really in the mood for anything but i stayed to watch the it’s a date coz nico asked me to stay for moral support. while killing time, we joined the gang in their videoke stint (some of them are still hoping to be discovered). i was totally out of this world. i’m so engrossed in my own thoughts and nothing could calm me down. puffed a stick, it isn’t me, i know, but sometimes it’s the only thing that can lift me up. it was time to go, so we head back to the office & well, the search started. only a few peeps were watching & the first part was boring. was having a bit fun on the 2nd part, it temporarily jolted me back to the present time. soon after it was over. we all decided to go home, i was dying to go home coz i wanted to sleep so badly. my friend texted me, and want me to come over join them but my thoughts are in my bed, so i opted not to go. i’m still sleepy though but not as bad as it was yesterday, need to load my sleep a bit, if i wanted to last a lifetime.

8<>8<>8<>8<>8

they have this vday lovenotes in the main foyer, where anybody can profess his/her love to that special someone in the office, but without the person knowing who wrote it. funny i got a note. i don’t know who it’s from. it’s sounds so high school oi, i mean we are all adults in here, if anybody is interested, why can’t they just say, hey! i’m interested in you, wanna go out for a ride? but geezzz come to think of it, what if that person is physically challenged? how would you say no without offending the person? well i guess we’ll just have to stick with the notes then. lui told me to pretend, she said, just pretend it’s a note from starfish, hmmm i guess i’d better pretend then…

i am feeling lost today… must be the weather… but of course i dunno exactly why. it seems everything is so wrong… i haven’t done anything right in my life….

finally able to visit doulos… been planning to do so last saturday but i fell asleep and woke up rather late. yesterday we went to check out the books & bought some cds, though i’m not sure if i’m going to listen to it, probably give it away on xmas, who knows? didn’t really find anything interesting, i mean this year is totally different from the last visit. last time i bought some artbooks and now, couldn’t find anything interesting. after the stint & the pose at doulos, we went to gimik to meet up with the gang. afterwards we chilled out at the outpost. it would have been an  idyllic night, if it wasn’t monday the following day. so we were just killing time talking and eating burritos. then it was getting late & and so we decided to go home.  right now i am still sleepy. haven’t fully recovered from my weekend parties yet. i hope there’ll be no more parties soon but knowing those party animals, huh! prepare!

whew, what a day! been idle in the morning coz my pc got reformated. now it’s up and running but work is piling up. wasn’t able to accomplish much since i have to add fonts & check if i have copied all my files. designer’s works were stalled since the distiller is on my drive and they have to wait also. tough day! then i have a new designer which i am currently training arghhhhh. but i am off tomorrow so got to leave work behind for one day. i’m suppose to take the day off today but i changed it so i can do the training and have nanding reformat my pc. sometimes you can’t just sleep tight when you know something’s not right.

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i’m craving! in fact, i’m always hungry. i don’t see the effect, it looks like i’m not gaining anything. now i wonder why.

money really is a hot issue. a group of us have this monthly savings–”for the rainy days” as they coined it. were suppose to give 500php each payday as payment, and will be collected at the end of the year plus interest. 06 savings was kinda blurry, i dunno how much savings i had, coz until now i still haven’t received my share yet. i just can’t hide my dismay over the fact that no notice was given to us. i mean were suppose to divide the share last dec 15, but it seems until now, not everyone (the borrower’s) have paid yet. i promise not to speak ill of anyone but c’mon! it’s the keeper’s responsibility to make sure everything is in order. i bet my savings it’s not gonna be released today. all of us are waiting, and not as patiently as we hope to be. i don’t see the urgency in her, she even barked at one of the representatives coz she was asked when will it be released. though very little money it may be, but she has to realize that we all worked hard for it, and it’s natural for us to inquire about it coz it is our money afterall. i duwanna comment anymore, the only advice i can give her is that, if she has trouble collecting the money, she should at least tell us the truth, we’d be more than willing to help, instead of shouting at anyone who inquired. not really a good idea to be on the defensive, if you know what i mean. i’m just a little disappointed, and a little pissed off–that’s all. not really a great way to start the year, but i really don’t have much choice.