going places

chanced up on iwiz, she’s been very busy lately, if we see each other online, it’s mostly hi & hellos, but last night she’s got some time to spare, and so the catching up & stuffs. i missed her, i miss all my friends. i used to be so happy & carefree, now i think i’ve grown overnight. we ended chatting about past 2 am. i duwanna sleep yet, but she insisted that i should get some sleep coz i still have work haha–i guess she knows what’s best for me. i invited her for the sagada trip, she didn’t give her confirmation yet, but she’s very interested–she haven’t heard of the place and was asking me where it is. they still have to work out their finances though coz they are going on a vacation in 07. wow, i wish i could come. now all i can do is drool over whahhhhhh i wanna cry! my planned vacation was written in a leaf, now dried & withered. anyway, it’s never too late to go on vacation yet, but the next stop is india, what the hell am i going to do in india? i dunno, it’s sounds so off… but of course it is on my list of places to go, but not right now i guess.

one xmas tale

i am broke– a sad but very rewarding tale, huh! oh well, i kinda like the idea of playing santa, just for once. i went shopping-frenzy for the few hours that i was able to spare. it was kinda hurried sort of shopping, mostly done by running and lining up in the cashier’s section. but i was very happy with my finds though. i didn’t buy anything for myself (for the most part), surprisingly true! i was actually planning to buy a new pair of jeans & boots & a lot of shirts for work, but i was thinking—why buy when i still have good ones. i actually got 2 new pair of shoes, one of which i haven’t worn yet. and before xmas, i couldn’t resist buying a pair of sandals, so it’s actually not a big deal. then gifts poured in, i got this really cool camouflage bag for xmas–and i got some cool stuffs too. a friend gave me a new mask, i also got a nightmare before xmas keychain, and i got a new sketchpad–oh well not really a sketchpad, but i was thinking of using it as one. then there are stuffs i am still waiting in the mail. of course some cash, and what could be more important than love? yes, i’ve gotta whole lotta love this christmas. it’s not everyday that you feel you are loved. but i did buy a new sling bag (bwahahaha) they were giving discounts on all northface products, and i sort of lost my head. it was expensive, i soon realized but i deserved it. i really do. so there goes my christmas tale~

me & me

there is really no use making a resolution– i for one is not good at making promises to myself. maybe because i put myself behind everything else. not that i don’t love me, but sometimes i forget about me. I mean i am always prepared to help anybody who needs me–maybe that’s what i need to change–maybe i have to be selfish sometimes. but if i change that, then i am not being me at all. maybe it’s the adventurer in me, i like spontaneity rather than order. i cannot live life confined in a four-walled cell. i wanted to do all the things i like, in my own time. i don’t want to be binded by so-called rules. i am never good at following orders. i tend to do the opposite. this is a none-sense entry but i like it. i seldom talk about me, so give me the floor, will ya?

the past revisited

the year is almost up–there’s no reason to dwell on the past, instead, let’s embrace the future, and keep on doing what we do best.

i have to admit though that 06 had been very cruel to me. mentally, physically, emotionally & even financially . this has been my darkest in the history to date. i have been in a lot of situations in the past but this is different. it’s like all the major problems are conspiring in the hope of bringing me down. defeat is never an option for me, so instead of crying foul, i slowly regained my balance, and now, i can proudly say that i’ve overcome some of the hurdles in life. i’m still halfway through it, but with constant support from family & friends, i will see the light of day again.

i have to admit that without help, i won’t be where i am today. i saw my self– almost self-destruct right before my very eyes. i was very lost & in need of a familiar figure to hang on to. i guess one could say it was a true test of courage, of how far i can go, & how soon i surrender to the cruelties of life. i am thankful to those who held me up, the people who were always there during my turbulent flight. and i thank those who weren’t there—you made me realize how vulnerable i am to emotional pain, and made me open my eyes to reality, that i can’t really rely on anybody, all the time.

one might not understand what i was going through. some think i’m just over-reacting but i was bleeding inside. it’s not for everyone to notice coz i’m pretty good at pretending. but i am very thankful things happened the way they did. if i am ask to undo some of it, i would still do the same thing over and over again.

with all of it behind me, i am quite excited to face the new year. i dunno what 07 has in store for me, but i am a braver person now. i want to experience life with all it’s sweetness & bitterness. i have so much hope the coming year will be a better year, and so looking forward to the opportunities that will come knocking in my door.

k>k>k>k>

i’d say don’t look back to the troubled years, instead move forward and continue the journey…

quaquo

i like working during holidays, it’s so peaceful in the office, and i can get work done faster. just like today. our office is close, and i have an  option not to come in and report for work, but being in the house for 3 straight days made me miss work. it’s just plain boring sometimes. i know i have tons of things to do but my heart’s not in it, so instead of mopping around and doing nothing, i dragged my feet to work.

^^^^

so here i am in the office. i’m halfway through with my book–which is a good thing.

^^^^

noticed a lot of bruises in my legs… can’t remember bumping at anything. then it just hit me–must have been during the carnival ride. shoot! but who cares? i was having a blast that night. now i’m trying to convince folks at the office to go with me this week. we still have to agree on the date, but one thing is for sure–we’re going in for a great ride.

xmases

probably, the worst thing you can do on christmas day is blog about it–just right after midnight. how pathetic it sounds, and exactly what i am doing right now. i am tired & restless, but i couldn’t sleep. was watching a series of concerts on dvd earlier before the place  erupted and a series of ear-shattering explosions hit the road. christmas is fun, but not as much as it used to. it’s my first time celebrating christmas in mandaue, and it feels different–i guess it’s because i’m not used to this place. i’m trying to sleep. between encoding this blog, and surfing the net, i am also watching pink floyds video on dvd. the truth is, i am bored! earlier i was having superfun. went to bring gifts to marvin’s family and after that we went to btc to check out their bazaar. we have enought time to kill, so we decided to have some fun at the carnival. i let out the inner child in me. screaming on top of my lungs over the short-lived roller-coaster ride.  what a mess!

i don’t think i understand what i’m talking about so it’s a sign. maybe it’s time to sleep. i guess i’ll just have to finish the video, then i’m done. so merry christmas to everyone!

with a sigh

i want to cry… i really badly wanted to…
i feel for you. i dunno what to say…
pls say you are okay! pls tell me that it’s nothing
that the rumors are not affecting you emotionally.
can’t get through you… you are shutting everyone out
i know you are hurting and it pains me to see you like that.

tootsies

i must be nuts… can’t sleep early! now i’m spending more time online. to be honest, i’m not even sure what i am doing, i’m so tired of doing the usual stuff and it’s kinda boring. wanted to dl more songs but i am running out of disk space. hmmm got to get the external drive and then i will drown myself with all the songs i want. pretty pathetic huh? anyway, last night got a conference with some old time folks. it’s been ages since we last talked and i kinda miss them. that’s the trouble when your friends are scattered around the globe. but no matter where your friends are, the camaraderie is still there. whether you are hanging out in the virtual world, or simply hanging out. i wish i could join them soon but i’m pretty messed up right now. maybe because i can’t focus–that’s the trouble if you’re not getting enough sleep. it’s a miracle i am not being melodramatic about it. in truth, i was really sleepy last night, but when we started chatting, and doing all the wacky stuffs that we used to do, sleep just evaded me. i was so intent on keeping still but i laughed so hard, i started crying.

after-pary flavor

for every action, there is always a dire consequence. right now, i am still feeling the effects. not so much with the alcohol though, but i am feeling tired and sleepy. sunday’s party was hell–didn’t really enjoy the party, it was just like all the other parties we had in the past. but of course, i was looking forward to the after-party drinking spree. it started out rough– it was a sunday and most establishments were close but after a few attempts, we ended up at kukuk’s, which is open 24-hrs a day, 7 days a week. some peeps from the other department joined us, and the conversation started. it was sort of relaxing and a little bit tense but in the end, it went well. we must have been having a good time, for we ended up at around 5 am. i didn’t have one drink to many coz i was thinking about work the following day. we still have some money left from our pot, and they are all excited for the next session. hmmm i wonder when that would be, i’ll try to invite the rest of my old drinking buddies (who could that be?) hmmm you know you are guys! i kinda miss drinking with them, it was different, i guess i am in the process of getting to know my new buddies. it’s kinda hard for me, coz i have to adjust again, i have not drink in a long time, and i feel like my body’s been shocked with the amount of alcohol i’ve been consuming lately. right now, i am paying for the price of my merriment. how badly i wanted to sleep, i can’t keep my eyes open, but i have to force myself to think but it seems my brain is low-batt. yesterday, everyone in the office is a walking zombie. it’s like a remote is controlling our every movement. some are half-asleep, while others looked like they are about to get sick. i guess it’s safe to call it “sober day”. i’m suppose to meet a friend at ayala last night, i don’t want to tell him that i’m still half-drunk lol, but the gang dragged me to have dinner with them. i ended up dining at larsian. eating compensated our sleepiness, we ate at our heart’s content. it was like a do or die thing. i actually forgot my friend arghhhh. he was on his way to the pier when i texted him, well, better luck next time.

i’m trying to lead a new life though, for awhile, i started living- clean– whoa! big words, but it was hard, i still miss redhorse—occasionally that is. and now those bastards are tempting me to drink again! geez, temptation is really sweet. i can always say no to the guys, and they wouldn’t mind. i have been known to make all excuses there is, but why say no, when you can handle it? i mean i love hanging out with them, and i got nothing to do, so might as well drink and be merry.

chiki’s insights

“never squeeze yourself to someone who doesn’t want your company”